Over the years, there were words said to me by others that fed the “Misfit” identity I had accepted. It was like water to a planted seed. I was not invited, not included, misjudged. This Misfit perspective grew into a great big emotional mess.
The enemy of my soul continues to taunt me with more lies, you’re not good enough, you’re too old, you’re not smart enough, you’ll never do it, and you’re a “Misfit among Misfits”.
The words all translated to me:
Falling into one of the enemy’s favorite traps, self pity, I resurrect the old perspective.
It’s easy to feel sorry for myself and stay in the Misfit perspective . . . especially when I feel like I don’t belong, I don’t measure up, or I am just plain tired of trying so hard to be something I’m not. All the words of my dad come flooding back. Resentment grows. But I have a choice to accept or refuse this identity. Would I rather be resented or feel resentful? When I finally said ‘no’ to the controlling, toxic words, I was resented. But that’s better than saying ‘Yes’ and becoming resentful. Harboring resentment will kill my heart! What we do with our painful experiences will either lead us down a path of dependence on God or bitterness and self-will.
I need to remember this: the deepest desire of the human heart is to belong . . . to be welcomed . . . to know that it is seen and worthy of kindness. There is One who sees me as worthy and calls me His Beloved.
Choosing to starve the seed of “misfit” that was planted so deeply within my heart as a little girl, and to believe that I am a Redeemed Beloved Daughter of God has been hard but heart healing. Psalm 139:14 says “I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” And 1 John 3:1a, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And this what we are!”
I prayed desperately: LORD! I cast the Misfit identity into the fire to be burned to ashes. Bring beauty from those ashes to my life. I want to be full and free, healed and whole, expectant and full of faith.
And you know what? God has brought beauty from the ashes. He has blessed me right in the middle of my sufferings. The past hurts and wounds do not define me. Being on this healing journey for years, I praise God that He has shown me how beautiful I am in His eyes. He continues to redeem every wound that has fed this lie of being a Misfit and into the truth of being His Beloved Daughter.
Be blessed today as one who is loved by The Father.